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२०८० चैत १५ गते

पीडितले भोगेको पीडाका लागि आफू पनि जिम्मेवार भएको भन्दै माफि मागिन् माल्भिका सुब्बाले

काठमाडौं । सुन्दरी प्रतियोगिताका क्रममा आफूमाथि यौन शोषण भएको र पूर्वमिस नेपाल माल्भिका सुब्बाबाट यस घटनामा सहयोग नपाएको भन्दै एक युवतीले सामाजिक सञ्जालबाट घटना सार्वजनिक गरेपछि यस विषयमा माल्भिकाले स्पष्टिकरण दिएकी छन् ।

उनले सामाजिक सञ्जाल फेसबुकमा लामो स्ट्याटस लेख्दै आफूले पीडितलाई सहयोग गर्न नसकेकोमा सार्वजनिक रुपमा माफि माग्छु भनेकी छन् ।

‘मेरो कार्यबाट दुखी र निराश भएका सबैसँग माफी चाहन्छु । एक सार्वजनिक व्यक्तित्वको रुपमा हामीले नैतिक जिम्मेवारी वहन गर्न आवश्यक छ’ उनले लेखेकी छन् ।

ती युवतीले भोगेको पीडाका लागि आफू जिम्मेवार भएको पनि उनले बताएकी छन् । उनले आफूलाई त्यस समयमा बलात्कार बारेको वैधानिक प्रावधानबारे पनि थाहा नभएको र आफू त्यतिवेला आयोजकसँग ती युवती र पीडकबारे चलेका अफवाहप्रति कडा अडान लिनु पर्नेमा आफूले त्यसो गर्न नसकेर गल्ती गरेको बताएकी छन् ।

ती युवतीले विसं. २०७१ सालमा भएको मिस ग्लोबल प्रतियोगिताका क्रममा एक फोटो पत्रकार र कन्सल्टेन्सी सञ्चालकले बलात्कार गरेको खुलाएकी छन् ।

त्यसमा ती युवतीले आफूमाथि भएको बलात्कार र पीडकहरुबारे पूर्वमिस नेपाल माल्भिका सुब्बालाई पनि जानकारी दिए पनि उनले आफूलाई सहयोग नगरेको भन्दै बुधबार टिकटकमार्फत् भिडियो सार्वजनिक गरेकी थिइन् । यसपछि माल्भिकाको सामाजिक सञ्जालमा व्यापक आलोचना भइरहेको छ ।

‘मेरो कार्यबाट दुखित र निराश भएका सबैसँग माफी चाहन्छु । एक सार्वजनिक व्यक्तित्वको रूपमा हामीले गर्न नसकेको यस्ता गल्तीहरूलाई सच्याउन उच्च नैतिक जिम्मेवारी वहन गर्न आवश्यक छ’ उनले लेखेकी छन् ।

ती युवतीले टिकटकमा ‘सुसी खान जाने हो’ भन्ने एकाउन्टबाट आफू माथि पटकपटक बलात्कार भएको घटना सार्वजनिक गरेकी हुन् ।

माल्भिकाले लेखेकाे स्ट्याटस यस्ताे छ :

Namaste. I would like to publicly apologize for my action or lack thereof related to the sexual violence survivor who has bravely shared her story on social media. I would also want to share my side of the story trying my best to not make it about myself because it is not. It is about justice for the survivor and me acknowledging my role in it, but I hope you take the time to read what I have to share.
To the survivor
I am keeping this short since you mentioned my actions trigger you so I am trying to be as respectful to you as I can.
I am extremely sorry. No excuses. I don’t remember the details clearly, but I do remember you calling me and trying to talk about the abuser and I also remember me choosing not to support you when you needed me to. That is unforgiveable and I do not expect you to forgive me. But I wish for you to know that I am deeply sorry for not actively listening to you, for not believing you, and for not supporting you. You have every right to be angry with me and I deserve all the hate that I am getting because I truly failed you. I totally admit that by not supporting you then I have contributed to the injustice you have suffered.
However, I don’t recall you mentioning the word ‘rape’ or me reacting the way you are talking about. I would like to believe that I would remember something as severe as ‘rape’ so I was shocked to hear about it recently but I trust you.
I can’t look at myself the same way anymore. Watching your posts and realizing that I am responsible for everything you went through after the pageant is not something I think I can ever forgive myself for.
I know it is too late but I hope I have it in me to do right to you now and earn your forgiveness, and you have it in your heart to someday forgive me. I want more than anything for you to heal and if there is anything I can do, I will do so. But till you don’t, I will step away from all the platforms on feminism and sexual violence. If me being away from the public eye helps you heal even a little, I will do so. If you expressing your anger against me in person, and me personally apologizing would make you feel better, I will do so. Anything that would help you heal that I can do, I will do so.
To everyone
I know I have very little credibility at this time, but I would still want to urge all of you to please stop asking the survivor to name the abuser or direct the anger against the survivor (instead of me). None of us can imagine what she is going through at this time and what she has gone through all these years. I want to kindly ask all of us to listen to her and give her the support she seeks and wants, and not the support we think she needs. Her anger against me is justified and I totally understand why many of you are angry and disappointed in me. I am angry with myself and am disappointed in me but I still hope some of you will read my side of the story and with time hopefully I can earn your trust and support back, and in the process learn to trust my actions.
Like I said earlier, up until the finals or even after the pageant I hadn’t heard of anything specific. This was probably 8-9 years ago when she called me and not being in the right state of mind I did not listen to what she had to say. At that time, I was made to believe something else when I further inquired about it. I decided to believe the story shared by other people and not her story . I decided to step away and cut all my ties with the event and the organizers soon after this happened. I remember battling depression at that time and not wanting to get involved in what was becoming an extremely toxic workplace. Rightly after I was on a trial separation from my marriage and trying to get help. Now I realize that my action or lack of action then was a big mistake and now I will have to live with the fact that my choice at that time has contributed to and has perpetuated the injustice she has been suffering.
I should have had a longer conversation with her. I should have reached out to her myself. I should have held her hand, given her a hug. I should have been there for her. I should have done something. Anything. Like she said I could have called her and said ‘Are you alright?’ But I didn’t. I also could have done this in the last 8 years especially after the #metoo movement but again I didn’t. I failed her and I failed all of you. And I deserve all the hate I am getting because as a woman, as a human being, and as someone with relative influence and power, I have failed.
I should have realized she was just 16-17 right when I started hearing about the rumors (the rumors being they were having an affair). I should have spoken to the organizers and took a strong stand against the rumored action at that time. But I made a conscious decision not to. I don’t intend to justify my action but in my own fight against depression, I have learnt to carefully pick and choose my battles in order to preserve my sanity, and in this case too I decided to prioritize my own mental health and not get involved. Now I realize that my involvement then could have affected my mental health a little but would have meant the world to her. Honestly, I didn’t realize that I had that power at that time. But that does not excuse me from reaching out to her in the last 8 years especially when I am vocally talking about gender equality or feminism or sexual violence in different platforms. For this I am deeply sorry to all of you.
I wasn’t aware of the incident of rape that happened, and I honestly didn’t know what statutory rape or grooming meant at that time. I thought of her as a consenting adult (I believe the age of adulthood and consent was 16 until a few years ago). In the past years I have learned how consent can be blurred in such instances especially when one person holds a position of power. I wish I knew this back then. But even without this knowledge I should have known better how to respond to her. May be had I spoken with her, she would have told me about the rape incidents.
I apologize to everyone who has felt hurt and disappointed by my action. As a public figure we need to uphold a higher moral responsibility to call out such wrongdoings which I have failed to do. I understand that you are angry and rightly so. I appeal all of you to direct your anger against me instead of constantly asking the survivor to take certain actions. I deserve all the hate messages, death threats and rape threats that I am getting. I deserve to never come out of it stronger if that is what all of you want. I don’t know if I was an enabler in this incident or someone who failed to act responsibly or the main culprit. I certainly feel I am responsible for all the suffering she has gone through and am questioning everything I have achieved.
But I still hope this becomes about the survivor and not about me. I don’t know if I should take this in my stride or should just give up and acknowledge that I am a horrible human being. I don’t know if I can do right by all of you and earn back your trust. I know that seems impossible right now.
I have learnt the hard way that inaction or ignorance can sometimes be even more harmful that actively contribute to a wrong action. So this time I want to choose not to be silent and pick this battle to fight for her and for many others who have suffered similar fate because someone with relative power failed them like I failed her but I don’t think I have it in me or I should. Since my presence in public platforms on gender equality, feminism, sexual assault and violence triggers her and many of you, I will step aside from all such platforms. To everyone who is reading this, I would request you to be stronger than who I was back then and help fight injustice. I hope that this is not just a one off incident and this propels the Metoo Movement forward in Nepal, allowing more survivors to share their stories and feel supported. Again I want to say that I will continue to work on myself to become a better person without taking up public space. I shall continue working on this. And I hope one day you will have the heart to forgive me.
Malvika Subba

 

यौनशोषण भएकाे भनिएकी युवतीको आरोप : माल्भिका दिदीले याे मेरो विषय होइन भन्नुभयो